WHY???

So broken....so hurt...so painful...I just can't stop crying. When I heard that news, my heart was so heavy and broken. I dunno how to describe the feelings that I feel at that moment...pain, hurt, anger, bitter, hate! I was speechless, no words come out from my mouth, I dunno what to say or how to form words to describe how I feel. I can only cry n cry n cry...and yet no words I can use to describe the pain in heart that I am feeling. My heart feel so heavy, I feel difficult to breath. I feel I want to explode. Why do you have to do this to me?? I dun want to hate you but I really feel so bitter towards you now. I "hate" you for all these pain, for all these pressure and condemnation that you make me feel. You said that your intention is well and cause you love me but is this love? You never consider my feelings and never take my words and expression and yet conclude things based on wht you want to believe and mind set. I just cant take this anymore. The more you try to "help" the more you damage me. You are not helping. Please leave me alone. I dont need all these pain...You only do what you think like doing but you never consider my feelings and well being or is this the right way? All that you do so far, is not help but a emotional torture to me. I really feel like giving up..even right now as I am typing this, tears of pain and hurt would not stop flowing. So much pain. So broken. I am tired of you looking down on me, judging me. Who never do wrong before? As you 100% those that you so look high upon, is 100% righteous? Or you are just too blinded with your personal view? I really feel want to give up as I cry and cry...I feel this pain is to much to bear...I feel like leaving...enough is enough! Till when do you want to bring misery and pain to my life? Please let me go and don't disturb me anymore. I still have a little respect for you but please don't make me hate you, really hate you.

Lord, please help me...I am falling apart...I will still hold on to the very end of the string that I am holding on right now. I donno how long more can I stand.

I will never let you go,
You've taken me from the miry clay,
Set my feet upon the rock and now I know,
I love you, I need you,
Though my world may fall, I'll never let you go...
My Saviour, My closest friend,
I will worship You until the very end.....