Remembrance.....

What happen today..losing my ring makes me have a flashback of what happen years ago...
I have this person that loves me so much..many times, when I was sick, this person cook and take care of me, when I need money, this person will provide, when I am not happy, this person will hear and cheer me up.

This very special person to me is my .... beloved poh poh! Until I loose her only I realize how much I love and miss her!

Thinking back... the times where I neglected her, the times where I was so busy and occupied with my own thoughts and agendas till I abandoned her. The times where I feel that she is "troublesome" and complain when she grumbles....

Now...how I wish I can have her by my side to grumble at me, to "trouble" me..but I have lost her forever..I will never have another chance to hear her voice again. I miss her so much!

The last moments.....

Poh Poh spend a week in KL with me at Ah Fu's & Michelle jie jie hse... she sleep with me and cook for me everyday during the week. At night, often poh poh will complain of gastric pain and I was not patient enough to "tam" her to see doctor.

Every time when I wanted to go shopping, she will want to come along. I was reluctant to bring her along for previously she always complains of leg pain and will want to go home. But this time..she was different. She was so excited to go and no complain at all. We went to pasar malam together and she was buying things for us (Mon Yee and myself).

One evening...as we were there on the sofa watching animal planet, astro...Poh poh told me..."Joann, that day I had a dream, Jesus say want to take me back home...but I told Him I am not ready yet and asked Him to give some more time..."

I did not take her words seriously..in my heart...I was like "ai...poh poh simply talk again..."

The next week....I went back to Ipoh and walk pasar malam..after that drop by at poh poh house and she complain gastric again.. I remember grumbling at her, "forcing" her to see doctor...

The next day.... awaken by my sister with tears in her eyes..."jie jie...poh poh...poh poh......" I jump up from my bed..ran down the stairs and found out that something happen to poh poh and waiting for ambulance to come now... I wanted to run to her house..I wanted to reach her and hold her that time...When I arrive, those medic man was carrying her into the ambulance.

Poh poh never regain her consciousness...the last moments...I was there at the hospital....just fallen asleep at the floor of the corridor when the doctor called. Poh poh's heart has stopped 3 times....

I went to her...hold her hands...and told her.."poh poh...you go in peace la...we will take care of everything here...don't worry"

Minutes later....she left us...I will always remember the moment where I go to her and hug her still body and kiss her on the cheek...That was the last time I ever got to hold or touch and kiss her!

Poh poh, I love you and I miss you so much! I am sorry for things that I may have done before that hurt you. See you again..one day......

想念是会呼吸的痛
连沉默也痛
后悔不贴心会痛 恨不懂你会痛
想见不能见最痛