Just a little update..

Been out of blog for sometimes...not abandoning it though...

Went through crazy weeks...

Assignments, thesis & exams...

Just wen I thought everything is going to slow down & thinking of taking a rest after exam (13 Dec)

More things pop up......

Was at JB for ESP camp & received a phone call from dad.......

telling me.....


JOANN, PREM AH YEE JUST PASS AWAY MINUTES AGO....

I was lik.....what??!!!

Took few minutes for reality to sank in.....

Tears in eyes.....trying not to let it flow down...trying to contain it at the eyes....

Trying to hide to feeling of lost with smiles.....

Finally.... as I stepped into the car....

I allowed myself to release all the emotions....

Cried & cried.... feeling the lost.... feeling the sorrow in heart losing someone dear....

Memories with her...flashed back into my mind....

Two weeks back in the hospital.... massaging her feet and praying for her...

Seeing her on the hospital bed... giving up...looking weak....

Remember her saying in between her breath that day...

" I FEEL SO TIRED AFTER WAR...I WANT GIVE UP... I DON'T WANT TO FIGHT ANYMORE, Y WAN DIE ALSO SO DIFFICULT? U HELP ME KNOCK MY HEAD AND MAKE ME FAINT LA.... I WANT REST"

I could do was continue to pray for her as my hands massing her legs...

Prayed PSALMS 23 over her while fighting the wave of emotions building up in me....

"Lord, please don't let her go before she encounter You in her life"

Left the room with tears in my eyes....

Wanted to return other day, plan to do so after my exams which suppose to be this few days...

But..... she already left this world to the other world....

Also went I went to DOULOS.... she was the one that arrange the Insurance Agent for me and bought for me travel insurance despise her feeling not well that time, after chemo treatment...

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More traveling to do.... from JB today.... to Ipoh tomorrow..... Funeral will be Tuesday morning...
and back to KL on Tuesday for CLEO final photo session on Wednesday evening.

BUSY!! BUSY!! BUSY!!

No time to update blog & won't be having the time to do so till mid Dec...

Thesis proposal presentation - 29 Nov'08, 9.50 am
Progress: CRITICAL: Stuck at research design

Thesis proposal report due: 10 Dec '08, 5 pm
Progress: 30 %

House shifting: By end of Nov '08
Progress: 50 %

Final exam: 1st paper : 4 Dec'08
: 2nd paper: 11 Dec '08
: 3rd paper: 13 Dec '08

CLEO shopping & activities day for 10 finalist: 12 Dec '08 10.30 am - 5.30 pm

22 Nov: Forensic assignment due - completed
14 Nov: Forensic project due - completed
13 Nov: Business presentation - done

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Christmas mime presentation : due 25 Dec 11 am

STILL

I am learning.... still learning.... sounds and spells so simple...

" BE STILL"

Many times I am at that place...wanting to be STILL but HOW???

Feeling a little overwhelm lately... experiencing some emotional tremors, anxieties, fear, stressful circumstances...

All these combining together with physical sickness... what a match... and talk about good timing..

Learning to release everything upon His shoulder, to allow Him to worry for me...

Learning to think & worry about NOTHING..but just BE STILL and REST in His presence

To dwell in His love and care... to hide under His strong arms...

To lie down at His feet and enjoy His presence...

Just be STILL....REST.....WAIT....

THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD

I SHALL NOT BE IN WANT

HE MAKES ME LIE DOWN IN GREEN PASTURES

HE LEADS ME BESIDES QUIET WATERS

HE RESTORES MY SOUL

(PSALM 23)

When I was feeling overwhelm, so overwhelm in fact ...

Till it makes me literally feeling sick in the stomach....

Cold sweats and cold hands and feet...

4 am in the morning... still could not go to rest...

Feeling so anxious... thinking what was wrong with me and by worrying...making me feeling worst...

Tears of frustration and tiredness flows...

Many thoughts were going inside my mind...

But as I read this verse PSALMS 23...

Meditate on every single words, visualizing & proclaiming it...

Comfort flows in...giving me assurance and new strength...

With the song "There is none like You" playing....

It really touches my heart and my soul...

I was reminded again..I am not alone and will never be alone....

He is there all the time....

"There is none like You...

No one else can touch my heart like You do...

I could search for all eternity long...

And find there is none like You...

Your mercies flows like a river wide...

And healing comes from Your hands...

Suffering children are safe in Your arms....

There is none like You...."


"DO NOT BE ANXIOUS ABOUT ANYTHING, BUT IN EVERYTHING, BY PRAYER AND

PETITION, WITH THANKSGIVING, PRESENT YOUR REQUESTS TO GOD. AND THE

PEACE OF GOD, WHICH TRANSCENDS ALL UNDERSTANDING, WILL GUARD YOUR

HEARTS AND MINDS IN CHRIST JESUS"

This is my prayer Lord...I do not to be anxious but in everything, I want to present it to You in prayers.. and I pray that Your peace, joy and all understanding will guard my heart and my mind in Your name...Amen...

For I know never will You leave me and never will You forsake me...

SIck...

Of all the time.. the virus really chose the "most perfect time" to attack my immune system...

List of things I need to do:

1. Wednesday: Sharing @ cell
2.Thursday: Test worth 10%
3.Friday:Forensic project due worth 15%

And now all things are stuck cos I am really down with fever, flu and most annoying throat itch....

2 sickness that I hate the most....

Nausea & vomiting
Throat irritation & itch...

Energy level : low
Alertness level: below average

Hot....Hot...Hot...

The weather is so so so so hot...Nothing much recently..been busy with assignments and reports..watching CSI and Forensic related movies or series few hours a day...all for my Forensic project and assignment...Gosh...all those terms stuck in my mind after watching hours daily...

Been busy condo searching..

Went back to Ipoh Deepavali week... my mum...this is what she has done and still doing...

I was at hall, feeling lazy...lying down on the mattress and watching CSI...with my pajamas & really mess up hair..hair tied..with bits and pieces sticking out from everywhere.... thats how I look like when mum came back from TESCO and announce we have guest...some relative..never see him before....

Of course my very first reaction..as quite as lightning...zoom...there I go...zap into the room and hide myself...

And my sis...pick up the mattress and what ever it was that lying on the floor...as usual when both of us are around: books, comics, water bottle...all was swept under the sofa for time being :D

Don't want to be rude and that obvious that I am hiding..quickly fix my hair and went out to say hi...and my mum walking towards the sofa with something with her...

My eyes was fixed at the TV screen, interesting and exciting part...and ........... there she goes...

Opening the CLEO magazine to the page where the 10 finalist photos was...
"Take a look at this 10 gals, which one you choose & one of the family member..is in there..guess which number..."

And there it goes...me feeling sooo embarrassed & trying to hide my face... At the messy and untidy state I was in that time..I don't want people to look at me ... already tried to remain as low profile as possible so he wont really realize I was there..sob sob sob...all ruin.... thanks mum :)

It did not end there... guess what's next... mum was ever ready with an entry form glued on a postcard and pass to him to vote...

Got to know that they was already talking bout it in the car b4 that and the purpose he came in was just to see the magazine and to vote....Good PR mum ;)

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2008...A year of Giants for me...

Another 2 months & 11 days... all that is left for year 2008 will only be memories...

Year 2008: Indeed a year of giants for me. A year full of trials and tribulation.

My life was and is like a boat, sailing out in the big vast ocean... facing many trials, the sea, the wind, the weather before I could reach my destination.

Often, the journey to the destination is not that smooth, when heavy rains and hurricane hit the sea, the boat goes rocking following the wind and waves slowing the whole journey.

During bad weather, the sea turned into an ugly scary dark looking monster, looking as if it want to swallow me into the deep sea.

When the waves were so strong and huge, nearly throwing me off the boat... until I feel so tired to hold on...

Then, there are some beautiful spot in the middle of the sea, where I stop to watch the beautiful creation of God, admiring His work, and therefore, slowing the whole journey once again.

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So many things happened....

So much tears....

So much heart pain.....

So much bitterness.....

So much failure.....

So much disappointment....

Left me feeling alone & tired....

Left me feeling discourage and condemn....

At certain times, I felt as if I am sailing without a direction, lost in the ocean...

Well, of course there are times when the sea is calm and the sun is shinning....

There are times of laughter....

There are still some times of joy and achievement as well....

A time of love.....

A time of blessing....

I learned & still learning.... I've grown and still growing....


What I would do to have
The kind of faith it takes
To climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves

To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
And He's holding out His hand

But the waves are calling out my name
And they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again. "Boy, you'll never win!"
"You'll never win!"

But the voice of truth tells me a different story
The voice of truth says, "Do not be afraid!"
The voice of truth says, "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant
With just a sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors
Shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand

But the giant's calling out my name
And he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
Time and time again. "Girl you'll never win!"
"You'll never win!"

But the stone was just the right size
To put the giant on the ground
And the waves they don't seem so high
From on top of them lookin' down
I will soar with the wings of eagles
When I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
Singing over me

I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

Thats my source of strength when I feel defeated, cause I know He is my victory...

When I feel no one understands me, He send people to me .....

When I felt hopeless, He gave me hope....

two ends...

Exam was over last Friday and it went smooth... really thank God for it... next to be done is the load of assignments and thesis that due soon....

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Yesterday... two things happened... both on one end of good news and bad news.
Went to get the car to go Mid Valley..... guess wat?? Was greeted by the view of shattered glass on the ground and immediately felt something surely happen to the car.... true enough... the side window beside the driver seat was smashed and ........

------> smart tag wif Touch N Go card stole
------> coins in the coins compartment gone

Worst still, need to pay up additional RM. 120 to clean up the mess and replacing the window....

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Went to MV & on the way back, stopped by @ mag booth & bought Nov edition of CLEO... With heart pumping....I was wondering whats the results gonna be..in or out??? Keep telling myself as I flipped through the pages.... " aiya, sure no one la..."

Finally the page came to view, it all happen so fast, all at the same time...spotted myself in one of the finalist and my friend beside me being so happy and laughing and being so excited and hugging me...

With months of anticipation and "agonizing" moments of waiting..... my respond only was

" Eh, I in wo......" when I spotted my pic in it...

Happy of cause happy, but I guess it haven't really sink in yet....

Thanks to all for your encouragement when I was hesitating to go or not to go for the photo shooting in Sept....

What is wrong wif me??!!!

What is wrong with me????

Slept literally whole day today... from yesterday 3 am till today 6 plus pm.... didn't wake up for breakfast nor lunch... jus sleeeppp and sleepppp and sleeepppp....

Emotions going on roller coaster...ups and downs jus in few hours...

Having a test tomorrow... worth 10 %... another exam on Fri...worth 20%...

Time passes so fast... mid of sem already.. looking at the work load... the time that I had wasted... started to feel stress liao... And with the circumstances around.... I need You Lord....

" I can do all things through Him who gives me strength"

So many things...

Jus a brief update.... wat I did last Fri??

Had a really long day last Friday.. was @ uni from morning till late evening.. already very tired when enter Forensic class... but was greeted with surprise ... the beginning of class itself already have 6 quizzes....drained! Was feeling sooo tired and heavy towards the ending of class..wanted to leave at 5 but afraid that will have another quiz towards the end of class..

So tired and sleepy and was having slight headache when arrive at Glad Tiding Pj... was considering about not going.... but.......................

I was there.... I was jumping & dancing like "crazy" with my 3 inches heels... legs paining but don't care...still jump... never thought I will ever jump like tat again @ my age now... but :)


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Back to Ipoh again on Sunday..jus came back today..another long day... reached KL and went class straight... got the news that the owner of this condo (Bukit Jalil) want back the unit and have to shift out by end of the year....only 2 months left...where should I go now?

Felt emo went enter the hse jus now..as I sit there on the sofa, looking around the hse.. feel missing it already...this hse.. lots memories....bitter and sweet memories... bye bye home...

The winner takes it all (Abba)

This is the song mentioned earlier....

THE WINNER TAKES IT ALL

I dont wanna talk
About the things weve gone through
Though its hurting me
Now its history
Ive played all my cards
And thats what youve done too
Nothing more to say
No more ace to play

The winner takes it all
The loser standing small
Beside the victory
Thats her destiny

I was in your arms
Thinking I belonged there
I figured it made sense
Building me a fence
Building me a home
Thinking Id be strong there
But I was a fool
Playing by the rules

The gods may throw a dice
Their minds as cold as ice
And someone way down here
Loses someone dear
The winner takes it all
The loser has to fall
Its simple and its plain
Why should I complain.

But tell me does she kiss
Like I used to kiss you?
Does it feel the same
When she calls your name?
Somewhere deep inside
You must know I miss you
But what can I say
Rules must be obeyed

The judges will decide
The likes of me abide
Spectators of the show
Always staying low
The game is on again
A lover or a friend
A big thing or a small
The winner takes it all

I dont wanna talk
If it makes you feel sad
And I understand
Youve come to shake my hand
I apologize
If it makes you feel bad
Seeing me so tense
No self-confidence
But you see
The winner takes it all
The winner takes it all......

Featuring....the little cousins...

Haseena - not little gal...a big gal.. Similarities: love yellow color, play "geli-geli" & had this habit when much younger, sticking our fingers into our nose hole when we want to sleep.


Simran aka Mimi gal, Simmy, Nui Nui - a very adorable, talkative, intelligent 2 years old girl.

Yo...wat's up!

Watcha u looking at?

Why???

Eee..wats tat u place on my head? clean or not?

The story of MiMi Gal
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Mimi gal really amaze me with her non stop talking, her funny stunts and actions. She has a good memory and catch up words and learn very fast.. Imagine a 2 year old kid saying, " what the heck is that mummy? (note: careful of the language we use in front of children)..everyone that comes to the house will be greeted by her cheerful smile and wish "hiiii".. She loves to answer the phone and her two favorites line will be
"hello, yes"
"hello, 'meh si?"
Also a very vain child...I was putting on some face moisturizer and there she comes..."akka, akka, Simmy want..put face.." And she will be sitting there ready with eyes close..

She love watches and ring..saw my ring and wanted to wear it...I was worry that she will lost it but cant say no when she is so cute...."akka, pls la...let simmy wear la...pls..give me la...please akka"

The next day, she got her very own ring from Lazo Diamond & she manage to choose one that is similar to mine (again, I am amazed by her memory). I was sleeping when she come in the morning,,,the first thing that she do when she woke me up was...show me her finger with ring and said "akka, shinning...same"..and place her hand beside mine and said "2 rings"

Took her out in the afternoon to get something and she complain" akka, hot la, tired d..go home Simmi 'gau gau ci'"
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Nat, Yew Chun - Only 7 months old... youngest among us now..

Mimi gal pretending to be asleep..so obvious :D

Day trip on Raya

Main attraction of the garden @ dad's work place (to me la)

Look closely and u will discover the thousands of frog eggs

Jus a small portion of the mini "lake"

Kuala Woh - a very special water fall, the water is cold but at certain part, there will be hot water coming out from the sand and flows by the rock & ppl "boil" eggs there.

Dad & mum

Cameron Highland - Boh Tea Garden & oth places

Sis & me

Emily - my oth sis

My nursery ;)

Back to Ipoh...

HELLO...I AM BACK!

After church on the 27 last month, went bac to Ipoh & jus came bac today. It was a long holiday..10 days..seems like a long time but time and days passes so fast..Went back with my lap top and notes with the intention of starting my assignments (due end of this month) but as usual, wen go back home during the weekends or holidays.. the end results is always the same ------> "0" I think I am in holiday mood..can't get my brain to work..hehe...thats just excuse...lazy mode sounds more like it :)

On Raya day, join church outing to Dad's workplace garden, Kuala Woh with my family and from there we head to Cameron..It was years since I last visited Kuala Woh..a lot of memories flashed back in my mind in that special place..In Cameron, nothing much..we just drove there to enjoy the cold breeze and scenery at Boh tea plantation while enjoying a cup of hot tea and savoring a piece of lemon butter cake and chocolate cake (taste more like mud though). Actually bought 4 boxes of big red strawberries to bring to KL to make strawberry ice cream yogurt...but too left it in Ipoh...mum called and when I was on the way to bus station this morning, she was so happy and sounded so cheeky when she proudly and happily announce to me that the strawberries will be theirs now (mum, dad, sis and the kids)..

After Cameron, we went to Kei Ma's hse (mum's sis) for Raya...hehe...what else...all the rendang, nasi himpit, cookies were attacked.......by....ME!

Most of the time, I was at home and Tesco (newly open, walking distance from my hse).. At home my activities will be.....
1. sleeppppp
2. eattt
3.sleeepppp
4.read Archies comic and watch DVD

5. Disturb and crazy and play with my little cousin sis & bro...

6.sleeppppppppppppp

:) sounds relaxing ??

Went to watch Mamamia & shopping (hehe, bought 2 new shoes) with Dad, sis & Emily on Fri.. Really love the movie..its nice...fallen in love with one of the song...being a emo gal, the song really stir up my emotions and make my eyes watery...don't know the title but I think its by ABBA...part of the song.."the winner takes it all.....the loser standing small....

Reflection & Insight...

Watched "Click" during cell jus now..not my first time though but somehow it portray a different meaning to me this time. As I watched how the guy click away parts of his life that is unpleasant until he miss out so many from his life.... It all just concluded one thing...

Life is like a puzzle..every pieces of the puzzle when place together, make the whole picture of life complete..losing a piece of it means the picture is now incomplete.


Every piece of puzzle carries different meaning, different circumstances in life (up or down) and different experiences in life (pleasant or unpleasant), when place together, it make life complete.

Every single circumstances, every single situation and every single experience that we face in this journey of our life...makes us a better person, makes us stronger, makes us appreciate things and people around us more...In other word, it is all necessary to help us grow as a person.

Situation may seems difficult and almost impossible to face or deal with when we are in it...but when it is all over, when we turn back and look at it, we will smile and thankful for the difficult times for it teaches us new values, new skills, give us new strength and make us a better and tougher person...all this is part and parcel of life...

A journey of molding...just like a clay being molded into a flower vessel ...but before that, it need to go through the fire furnace and endure high degree of burning, only then it will turn into a beautiful vessel. Just like us, the process of molding, the process of refining through burning, no doubt is a painful and difficult process....but the outcome of it..... when we endure it.... we will be refine, beautified and strong...

Therefore....no situation or parts of our life should be "click" or fast forward... endure the pain and appreciate every lessons in life...Like a video game, once we pass the current stage trials, we move on to the next level and faces new challenges there and move on until the game is completed.

You deserve the glory...

During the morning worship on Sunday morning in JW Marriott, was so blessed and move by this worship song. This song, though the lyrics are so simple and straight forward, I find it powerful and meaningful...Just wanna share it here.

You deserve the glory
And the honour
Lord, we lift our hands in worship
As we lift Your Holy name

For you are great
You do miracles so great
There is no one else like You
There is no one else like You...

OM Partnership Event...

The last weekend left an impact in my life and heart...no doubt it was a tiring time..but it's really worth it. Besides witnessing how God provide, this event stir my heart and impacted and touch me as well. We targeted about RM1 million to be collected in this weekend..but God plan was far greater than what we expected. We managed to raise RM.10.7 million just in the weekend. Praise God for His work and blessing! And also I am touch to see how generous and giving Dato Francis Yeoh was to us, besides sponsoring our stay and meals there, he donated a huge amount to us, for ship to operate.

This event is actually a fund raising program for the ship Logos hope that is currently in Kobe, Germany..waiting for the work of renovation to be completed before it can sail. (check out more info about the ship and its ministry @ www.omships.org)

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I really want to give credits to the hotel staff..their are so efficient, efficient & wonderful! I really felt so pampered throughout my stay there and not to mention the wonderful sauna, steam bath & hot tub jacuzzi in the spa room.

Being there, working together with the gold team ( all that have been or currently still with the ship ministry) makes me feel as if I am back in Doulos, working. We do not know each other before but it only took us a while, really short time to bind and to relate to each other as if we have known each other for long time. Its all because we feel that we are all part of the family..

As we were checking the grand ballroom before the gala dinner, the sound crew was checking the sound system and they run the Doulos History maker movie clip..As I hear the familiar sound, I stop in track and cant help watching it as I feel the wave of emotions sweep over me..My eyes became teary as I stood there and watch the familiar people, parts of the ship..the place that is close to my heart and the place I call home.. I thought it was only me being emo..but I realize those that been on Doulos and now finished their commitment on Doulos, felt the same way as I do..

During the worship time in the morning, even though it was simple, I felt blessed and again my eyes grew teary..It was wonderful! I really miss Doulos worship. We had Sunday service in the hotel and holy communion.

I realize I enjoy meeting with ppl and communicating, doing PR job and sharing with them my life and experiences on Doulos. Again, it was so similar with the time I was on board, working in book exhibition..meeting thousands of people a day in most port..

Sunday..everything was over. Feeling a little emo leaving the place and saying farewell to the team...Went to Piramid for fellowship with ex Douloid's fren. We had a good time of chatting..and again..most of our conversation were related to the ship..a bind that no one will understand unless they been there. A conversation that others might not be able to relate to unless they was there before...DOULOS.... and all of you wonderful people that I met on board..you all will always remain close to my heart!

My comfy bed

What am I trying to do :D

I love the bathroom soooo much...

Worship time

Holy Communion

F&B Manager, that lead an amazing team

Event stage

The Gold Team members

What are we doing???

Joann & Austin - George assistant

Finally I can rest my feet after hours on heels


Billy & Helan Tan - awesome couple

Aus, Joe, Veron, David

George Verwer (OM founder), Juwita & me
p/s : he may look old here, but you should have seen him dancing all out on stage with Juwita during the gala dinner. All of us were stunt and had a good laugh!

A great man- pastor from SIB KK

Lissane, Ming Hua, Joe, D way & David @ Piramid

View from my room

"cabin mate" Grace, Huey & Joe

Can I not leave this place...

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Preview of few of the many food that we had :)