Above all....

Easter celebration few hours back got me wondering and thinking...
During the drama, where they had 'Ah Bak' tied to the cross & push around..
Others was laughing .. cos it was a funny drama ...
But I just couldn't laugh .. I felt tears were forming at the corners of my eyes..
I could feel my throat tighten n painful...
My heart aches...

I couldn't bring myself to see when they acting the part of nailing him to the cross...
I looked away..
I knew if I look, I wouldn't be able to refrain my tears & I wouldn't be able to hold back my emotions..
I do not want to be 'special' crying away while others were laughing..
In my heart... there is no words good enough that I could use to express how I felt..
I could only say... 'THANK U GOD... THANK FOR U FOR DYING FOR ME... THANK U....'

When Peter denied God 3 times...
It keep me thinking..
'HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I DENY GOD IN MY LIFE?'
Many times... yes we may go to church every week or serving in the church... regular to cell...
But in our daily life... when there is decision to make...
Changes to make...
Lifestyles... Thoughts....Speech...
How many times we have deny God with our actions, speech & thoughts?

I admit I myself fail this many times..
Knowing the things that I need to do...
And yet I did not do..
Knowing the things I can't do..
But I did ....

Its so easy to sing during worship
'Lord I give u my heart.. I give you my soul...I live for you alone..
Every breath that I take, Every moment I'm awake.. Lord have your way in me.....'

But when it come to reality...
when God asked to stop the relationship with a certain person many years back..
Can I do it??
Many times.. when come to making decision & the need to let go of something..
Many times I realize, that will be the time where I deny God ...
Where I choose to turn a deaf ear...

Thank you God for being so patient with me all these years...
Thank you for not giving up on me...