Waves..one after another...

Pass weeks since I last updated .... one after another big waves trying to crush me down and drown me...and yet I am still standing still and refuse to give in because THE GOD IN ME, THE GOD THAT IS WITH ME IS BIGGER....MUCH BIGGER THAN THE GIANTS AND WAVES IN MY LIFE!!!

WEDNESDAY 18
Was happily there at Ipoh celebrating mum's birthday....went back and check my mail happily...end up.....received and saw mail that really affect me so much...can't really describe how I was feeling...sad?? hurt?? angry?? mix all in one big emotion...e mail was regarding someone said I did something that I did not do (being accuse here) and without clarifying with me, e mail was send (mass e mail) to all leaders assuming that I really did what the person claim I did.... Is it fair to me??? without even checking with me?? clarifying with me??? Was really upset....determined to make things clear and get the person to make amendment to all that been said and damage done...

THURSDAY 19
Woke up feeling not nice...last nite effect is still there....2.30pm....suddenly....just one normal sneeze....nothing special or big bout the sneeze....I felt extreme pain on my lower back...seriously painful...cold sweat....vision turning black....nearly black out feel.....forcefully tried to walk from kitchen to hall and sit on the sofa...was still painful..expecting the pain to leave any minutes...but it choose to stay....manage to lie down...but still feeling the pain everytime I tried to move..even minor movement to my upper part of my body....the pain was really unbearable...

While lying down....many nervous and panic thoughts came to my mind....
what happen to me??? slip disk???
Do I need go hospital?? Will I be able to walk again??
Is it more serious than I think it is???

Getting more & more restless and worried as time tick pass.... 3.30pm...4.30 pm.... 5.30pm.... no better....to make matter worst.... need to go to the toilet and was my second day of period...but I can't get up..everytime I tried I felt so painful...unbearable....

6.30pm....7.30pm...8.30 pm... my bladder getting fuller....feeling more panic and uncomfortable...God help me!! tried to sit up again...again intense pain...

Doctor came my house...gave me steroid injection and some other pain killer and muscle relaxation pills...by 12.30 am....thank GOd, by His mercy....I am able to slowly sit up...get u...walked to the toilet....release my bladder....clean my self....

Next day...was better....went for x ray etc...

Ok, break time from all those stressful stories...commercial time...

my darling adorable cute intelligence little cousin sis.... 2 years plus... Simmy gal...
Saw me in pain the previous day and could not wake up (Thurs)
In the morning, at her hose before she came over...

Mimi gal: Mummy...I want take lotion help Joann akka put leg....then can walk already...
Mum allowed her to bring along the big pink bottle of Johnson baby lotion....
Mimi gal: thank you so much,Mummy....

so cute :) ... not ended yet...

at my house, i was lying down on the mattress at the hall...
she put some lotion on her hands and rub onto mu legs...
then came up to me and asked me... "better d not?"
answered her feeling better d....
Mimi gal.: try wake up la...
I sit up slowly for her....and her respond was really priceless...

she was shouting "YEAH...." clapping her hands....and then raise both hands up & say "HALLELUJAH"
:) all that from 2 years plus old kid...

ok...back to story..

All these happened near my birthday.... suppose to do a BBQ and have fun with all frens and family...family coming to KL etc...

22 March.... birthday... had the BBQ anyway...not as fun cause my back feeling pain, uncomfortable and couldn't walk much...even sitting too much makes it feel pain...tense..uncomfortable....

but...I am grateful to all family and frens that came and help out and make my day...love you guys....hugs...

27 March...went to HSC specialist... had my very first physio and chiropractic experience.... going again tomorrow... twice a week for two months....

Even now, sitting here typing this blog...was not pleasant to my back...I need to stand up..walk a while and lie down....and now already feel tense and pulling at the lower back....

Saturday, 28 March..thought could settle the issue in proper manner.... but :(
It was not a pleasant experience...it went ok till someone came in and without even care to listen and hear and understand the whole situation.... just came in into the conversation and ...... ..... ....... I was controlling myself from saying anything that will not be pleasant & stopping my self from just walking away....

Well, no point talking anymore cause he is not listening...jus assume he knows and understand...but actually he dont...not at all...His tone was not pleasant at all... Don't feel like leaving the matter like that and let it be assumed that I did what people claim I did... I am still praying and seeing what I need and need not do.....

Thank God for his grace & strength...and those that knew bout this and praying for me.... I believe thats the reason I am still standing still instead of being wash off my feet and tossed into the sea when the waves hit me....

I am not feeling as affected as I used to feel whenever storms and waves hits unto my life....In fact, I've learn to see it differently a bit...and choose to rise above it....

Indeed, I can do all things through HIM who gives me strength...

Memory.......In Kanazawa, Japan

One of the most heart breaking encounter I had in Japan when I was with MV DOULOS.... One that will always be in my heart....

Was walking and enjoying at a park and doing some quiet time, hearing my mp3 of worship songs....it was after I had done my shopping at a mall which is 30 minutes walk from the port...as usual....bought lots of food stuff..was really greedy when I was there....always get hungry no matter how much I eat....haha...I remembered there is one night when I was on my bed in my cabin at night...munching happily, greedily & illegally away....my cabin mate....from Korea walked over to my bed and ask me....I see you eat a lot and nearly everytime I saw you eating in cabin...but how you maintain your figure....I guess its the cold wheather that makes me eat lot....to keep warm :D

Ok..back to the main topic.... bought lots of sushi and yakult drink, thinking & share with my shift mates later before we start work at 5pm... and sitting under a tree at the park...enjoying the quietness ( it is hardly quiet in DOULOS especially in book ex) and I saw something that really breaks my heart....

As I was sitting there...with lots of food in packages beside me.....this man...in his 40s....went to the big rubbish bin right in front of me....bout 50 m away....digging into the bin....searching for food.....found some and place some remainder food that he found into his mouth....

I was....I was completely broken.... tears swells in my eyes.....my heart felt really painful at the sight of it....I couldn't resist it any longer...I gotta do something....I just can't let it go and pretend didn't see anything.... I dig into my packages of food and took a big box of sushi, walked over to the man, hand out the food to him without saying anything.....

That sight.... really brought me down to tears..... broke my heart..... awaken me.....
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The more we should be thankful of what we have..... thankful that we have a home, a shelter, food and everything....

REMINDER.....

Sitting at the counter at food court now, raining cats and dogs....As I sitting here, looking at the heavy downpour, hearing the loud sound of the rain hitting aluminum roof...I am reminded of all the blessings that God has shower, pour heavily down upon my life....things that I have seems to be forgotten as some times....things that i choose to keep away in a closet deep down in my heart...

Just like the rain pouring down so heavily..just like how God has open the flood gate of heaven and flood my life with his wonderful blessings...

I was reminded how blessed I was and am with all that I have now....which I sometimes, or many times fail to realize as compared to those less fortunate...

I was reminded of the wonderful time and opportunity that He bless me for opening the door for me to join DOULOS and to be able to visit wonderful countries and had a wonderful time there in Taiwan, Japan & Korea.... Best time of my 25 years of life, which I wouldn't treat with silver or gold nor anything...

Lessons, trials that seems to be pain but actually a blessing in disguise, for it makes me a stronger girl....

Faithful and wonderful sister & brother that walked together with me and still walking with me when I am down in the valleys with shadows around me...

All the joy that He brought to my life....giving me to experience what He knows I am interested in, like to be in CLEO...

Even small things that I seems to take for granted most of the time...like
1. my beloved new acoustic guitar
2. the fact that I can open my eyes and face a new day
3. the fact that I have food to eat every single day of my life...
4. i have hands and legs that I could work and walk with
5. the many clothing, shoes and novels that i love & treasure
6.education

and the list can go on & on....

and also most important of all....
I HAVE SOMEONE THAT I KNOW AND FOR SURE CAN LOOK TO AND COUNT ON EVERY SINGLE SECONDS OF MY LIFE AND
HAVING A FAMILY...PAPA, MUMMY, SARAH.....

Why should I even or ever complain?? With all these blessings in my life....I should be one of the happiest person in the whole universe....

I am really thankful for all that I have..... I don't need to be a billionaire to be rich but I am rich with all that I have and had.....

I'm grateful for Your love....I love You much!!!

yEAH YEAH.....

I GOT MY BABY .......... :)
MORE STORY TO COME....JUS A PREVIEW.....

:)
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