Just a little update..

Been out of blog for sometimes...not abandoning it though...

Went through crazy weeks...

Assignments, thesis & exams...

Just wen I thought everything is going to slow down & thinking of taking a rest after exam (13 Dec)

More things pop up......

Was at JB for ESP camp & received a phone call from dad.......

telling me.....


JOANN, PREM AH YEE JUST PASS AWAY MINUTES AGO....

I was lik.....what??!!!

Took few minutes for reality to sank in.....

Tears in eyes.....trying not to let it flow down...trying to contain it at the eyes....

Trying to hide to feeling of lost with smiles.....

Finally.... as I stepped into the car....

I allowed myself to release all the emotions....

Cried & cried.... feeling the lost.... feeling the sorrow in heart losing someone dear....

Memories with her...flashed back into my mind....

Two weeks back in the hospital.... massaging her feet and praying for her...

Seeing her on the hospital bed... giving up...looking weak....

Remember her saying in between her breath that day...

" I FEEL SO TIRED AFTER WAR...I WANT GIVE UP... I DON'T WANT TO FIGHT ANYMORE, Y WAN DIE ALSO SO DIFFICULT? U HELP ME KNOCK MY HEAD AND MAKE ME FAINT LA.... I WANT REST"

I could do was continue to pray for her as my hands massing her legs...

Prayed PSALMS 23 over her while fighting the wave of emotions building up in me....

"Lord, please don't let her go before she encounter You in her life"

Left the room with tears in my eyes....

Wanted to return other day, plan to do so after my exams which suppose to be this few days...

But..... she already left this world to the other world....

Also went I went to DOULOS.... she was the one that arrange the Insurance Agent for me and bought for me travel insurance despise her feeling not well that time, after chemo treatment...

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More traveling to do.... from JB today.... to Ipoh tomorrow..... Funeral will be Tuesday morning...
and back to KL on Tuesday for CLEO final photo session on Wednesday evening.

BUSY!! BUSY!! BUSY!!

No time to update blog & won't be having the time to do so till mid Dec...

Thesis proposal presentation - 29 Nov'08, 9.50 am
Progress: CRITICAL: Stuck at research design

Thesis proposal report due: 10 Dec '08, 5 pm
Progress: 30 %

House shifting: By end of Nov '08
Progress: 50 %

Final exam: 1st paper : 4 Dec'08
: 2nd paper: 11 Dec '08
: 3rd paper: 13 Dec '08

CLEO shopping & activities day for 10 finalist: 12 Dec '08 10.30 am - 5.30 pm

22 Nov: Forensic assignment due - completed
14 Nov: Forensic project due - completed
13 Nov: Business presentation - done

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Christmas mime presentation : due 25 Dec 11 am

STILL

I am learning.... still learning.... sounds and spells so simple...

" BE STILL"

Many times I am at that place...wanting to be STILL but HOW???

Feeling a little overwhelm lately... experiencing some emotional tremors, anxieties, fear, stressful circumstances...

All these combining together with physical sickness... what a match... and talk about good timing..

Learning to release everything upon His shoulder, to allow Him to worry for me...

Learning to think & worry about NOTHING..but just BE STILL and REST in His presence

To dwell in His love and care... to hide under His strong arms...

To lie down at His feet and enjoy His presence...

Just be STILL....REST.....WAIT....

THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD

I SHALL NOT BE IN WANT

HE MAKES ME LIE DOWN IN GREEN PASTURES

HE LEADS ME BESIDES QUIET WATERS

HE RESTORES MY SOUL

(PSALM 23)

When I was feeling overwhelm, so overwhelm in fact ...

Till it makes me literally feeling sick in the stomach....

Cold sweats and cold hands and feet...

4 am in the morning... still could not go to rest...

Feeling so anxious... thinking what was wrong with me and by worrying...making me feeling worst...

Tears of frustration and tiredness flows...

Many thoughts were going inside my mind...

But as I read this verse PSALMS 23...

Meditate on every single words, visualizing & proclaiming it...

Comfort flows in...giving me assurance and new strength...

With the song "There is none like You" playing....

It really touches my heart and my soul...

I was reminded again..I am not alone and will never be alone....

He is there all the time....

"There is none like You...

No one else can touch my heart like You do...

I could search for all eternity long...

And find there is none like You...

Your mercies flows like a river wide...

And healing comes from Your hands...

Suffering children are safe in Your arms....

There is none like You...."


"DO NOT BE ANXIOUS ABOUT ANYTHING, BUT IN EVERYTHING, BY PRAYER AND

PETITION, WITH THANKSGIVING, PRESENT YOUR REQUESTS TO GOD. AND THE

PEACE OF GOD, WHICH TRANSCENDS ALL UNDERSTANDING, WILL GUARD YOUR

HEARTS AND MINDS IN CHRIST JESUS"

This is my prayer Lord...I do not to be anxious but in everything, I want to present it to You in prayers.. and I pray that Your peace, joy and all understanding will guard my heart and my mind in Your name...Amen...

For I know never will You leave me and never will You forsake me...

SIck...

Of all the time.. the virus really chose the "most perfect time" to attack my immune system...

List of things I need to do:

1. Wednesday: Sharing @ cell
2.Thursday: Test worth 10%
3.Friday:Forensic project due worth 15%

And now all things are stuck cos I am really down with fever, flu and most annoying throat itch....

2 sickness that I hate the most....

Nausea & vomiting
Throat irritation & itch...

Energy level : low
Alertness level: below average

Hot....Hot...Hot...

The weather is so so so so hot...Nothing much recently..been busy with assignments and reports..watching CSI and Forensic related movies or series few hours a day...all for my Forensic project and assignment...Gosh...all those terms stuck in my mind after watching hours daily...

Been busy condo searching..

Went back to Ipoh Deepavali week... my mum...this is what she has done and still doing...

I was at hall, feeling lazy...lying down on the mattress and watching CSI...with my pajamas & really mess up hair..hair tied..with bits and pieces sticking out from everywhere.... thats how I look like when mum came back from TESCO and announce we have guest...some relative..never see him before....

Of course my very first reaction..as quite as lightning...zoom...there I go...zap into the room and hide myself...

And my sis...pick up the mattress and what ever it was that lying on the floor...as usual when both of us are around: books, comics, water bottle...all was swept under the sofa for time being :D

Don't want to be rude and that obvious that I am hiding..quickly fix my hair and went out to say hi...and my mum walking towards the sofa with something with her...

My eyes was fixed at the TV screen, interesting and exciting part...and ........... there she goes...

Opening the CLEO magazine to the page where the 10 finalist photos was...
"Take a look at this 10 gals, which one you choose & one of the family member..is in there..guess which number..."

And there it goes...me feeling sooo embarrassed & trying to hide my face... At the messy and untidy state I was in that time..I don't want people to look at me ... already tried to remain as low profile as possible so he wont really realize I was there..sob sob sob...all ruin.... thanks mum :)

It did not end there... guess what's next... mum was ever ready with an entry form glued on a postcard and pass to him to vote...

Got to know that they was already talking bout it in the car b4 that and the purpose he came in was just to see the magazine and to vote....Good PR mum ;)

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2008...A year of Giants for me...

Another 2 months & 11 days... all that is left for year 2008 will only be memories...

Year 2008: Indeed a year of giants for me. A year full of trials and tribulation.

My life was and is like a boat, sailing out in the big vast ocean... facing many trials, the sea, the wind, the weather before I could reach my destination.

Often, the journey to the destination is not that smooth, when heavy rains and hurricane hit the sea, the boat goes rocking following the wind and waves slowing the whole journey.

During bad weather, the sea turned into an ugly scary dark looking monster, looking as if it want to swallow me into the deep sea.

When the waves were so strong and huge, nearly throwing me off the boat... until I feel so tired to hold on...

Then, there are some beautiful spot in the middle of the sea, where I stop to watch the beautiful creation of God, admiring His work, and therefore, slowing the whole journey once again.

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So many things happened....

So much tears....

So much heart pain.....

So much bitterness.....

So much failure.....

So much disappointment....

Left me feeling alone & tired....

Left me feeling discourage and condemn....

At certain times, I felt as if I am sailing without a direction, lost in the ocean...

Well, of course there are times when the sea is calm and the sun is shinning....

There are times of laughter....

There are still some times of joy and achievement as well....

A time of love.....

A time of blessing....

I learned & still learning.... I've grown and still growing....


What I would do to have
The kind of faith it takes
To climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves

To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
And He's holding out His hand

But the waves are calling out my name
And they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again. "Boy, you'll never win!"
"You'll never win!"

But the voice of truth tells me a different story
The voice of truth says, "Do not be afraid!"
The voice of truth says, "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant
With just a sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors
Shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand

But the giant's calling out my name
And he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
Time and time again. "Girl you'll never win!"
"You'll never win!"

But the stone was just the right size
To put the giant on the ground
And the waves they don't seem so high
From on top of them lookin' down
I will soar with the wings of eagles
When I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
Singing over me

I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

Thats my source of strength when I feel defeated, cause I know He is my victory...

When I feel no one understands me, He send people to me .....

When I felt hopeless, He gave me hope....

two ends...

Exam was over last Friday and it went smooth... really thank God for it... next to be done is the load of assignments and thesis that due soon....

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Yesterday... two things happened... both on one end of good news and bad news.
Went to get the car to go Mid Valley..... guess wat?? Was greeted by the view of shattered glass on the ground and immediately felt something surely happen to the car.... true enough... the side window beside the driver seat was smashed and ........

------> smart tag wif Touch N Go card stole
------> coins in the coins compartment gone

Worst still, need to pay up additional RM. 120 to clean up the mess and replacing the window....

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Went to MV & on the way back, stopped by @ mag booth & bought Nov edition of CLEO... With heart pumping....I was wondering whats the results gonna be..in or out??? Keep telling myself as I flipped through the pages.... " aiya, sure no one la..."

Finally the page came to view, it all happen so fast, all at the same time...spotted myself in one of the finalist and my friend beside me being so happy and laughing and being so excited and hugging me...

With months of anticipation and "agonizing" moments of waiting..... my respond only was

" Eh, I in wo......" when I spotted my pic in it...

Happy of cause happy, but I guess it haven't really sink in yet....

Thanks to all for your encouragement when I was hesitating to go or not to go for the photo shooting in Sept....

What is wrong wif me??!!!

What is wrong with me????

Slept literally whole day today... from yesterday 3 am till today 6 plus pm.... didn't wake up for breakfast nor lunch... jus sleeeppp and sleepppp and sleeepppp....

Emotions going on roller coaster...ups and downs jus in few hours...

Having a test tomorrow... worth 10 %... another exam on Fri...worth 20%...

Time passes so fast... mid of sem already.. looking at the work load... the time that I had wasted... started to feel stress liao... And with the circumstances around.... I need You Lord....

" I can do all things through Him who gives me strength"

So many things...

Jus a brief update.... wat I did last Fri??

Had a really long day last Friday.. was @ uni from morning till late evening.. already very tired when enter Forensic class... but was greeted with surprise ... the beginning of class itself already have 6 quizzes....drained! Was feeling sooo tired and heavy towards the ending of class..wanted to leave at 5 but afraid that will have another quiz towards the end of class..

So tired and sleepy and was having slight headache when arrive at Glad Tiding Pj... was considering about not going.... but.......................

I was there.... I was jumping & dancing like "crazy" with my 3 inches heels... legs paining but don't care...still jump... never thought I will ever jump like tat again @ my age now... but :)


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Back to Ipoh again on Sunday..jus came back today..another long day... reached KL and went class straight... got the news that the owner of this condo (Bukit Jalil) want back the unit and have to shift out by end of the year....only 2 months left...where should I go now?

Felt emo went enter the hse jus now..as I sit there on the sofa, looking around the hse.. feel missing it already...this hse.. lots memories....bitter and sweet memories... bye bye home...

The winner takes it all (Abba)

This is the song mentioned earlier....

THE WINNER TAKES IT ALL

I dont wanna talk
About the things weve gone through
Though its hurting me
Now its history
Ive played all my cards
And thats what youve done too
Nothing more to say
No more ace to play

The winner takes it all
The loser standing small
Beside the victory
Thats her destiny

I was in your arms
Thinking I belonged there
I figured it made sense
Building me a fence
Building me a home
Thinking Id be strong there
But I was a fool
Playing by the rules

The gods may throw a dice
Their minds as cold as ice
And someone way down here
Loses someone dear
The winner takes it all
The loser has to fall
Its simple and its plain
Why should I complain.

But tell me does she kiss
Like I used to kiss you?
Does it feel the same
When she calls your name?
Somewhere deep inside
You must know I miss you
But what can I say
Rules must be obeyed

The judges will decide
The likes of me abide
Spectators of the show
Always staying low
The game is on again
A lover or a friend
A big thing or a small
The winner takes it all

I dont wanna talk
If it makes you feel sad
And I understand
Youve come to shake my hand
I apologize
If it makes you feel bad
Seeing me so tense
No self-confidence
But you see
The winner takes it all
The winner takes it all......